Even though today marks my first official blog  posting –thoughts of starting my own blog have often crossed my mind.  Just like I have had thoughts of writing my own novel since college; I have had thoughts of blogging for perhaps ten years now. In an attempt to move forward towards this pursuit I purchased books about blogging last year and purchased my own domain this May. Despite these efforts my blog remained dormant for months–until today.

So why after ten years of rumination have I chosen now as the time to start my blog? If I were to gather and piece together the reasons for my unwritten book and blog the answer to both would be FEAR.
I feared the possibility of rejection. I feared criticism. I feared that the people in my life would not understand and would be offended by the topics I felt I needed to write about. I feared that I might not be talented enough to write for an audience larger than one. Who after all would want to read about anything I would have to say?

Although intellectually I could label many of my fears as irrational they have resulted in a paralysis that has kept me from working towards the fulfillment of my dreams where my writing is concerned.
So again, why now? What has changed? To sum that up–Time. When we are young we believe that we have an indefinite amount of time to consider and pursue what we want in this life. It is only after we approach middle age that we truly understand how limited our time on this earth really is.

This realization came to me during what I can coin as my seven years of loss. During this time half of my immediate family past away starting with the death of my mother, then my father and more recently my younger sister Nicole. As I have mourned the loss of my loved ones I have also wonder how many dreams did they leave behind (put on hold) as the result of fear?
The Chicken Soup with Soul author Jack Canfield is quoted as saying “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” I don’t believe there is a more truer statement.

The thing is…conquering one’s fear is easily said than done. Since losing mother in 2008 I began what I believed to be a journey towards conquering my fears. It has been a slow and sometimes daunting process, however what I have learned so far is–conquering fear isn’t only about mustering up enough courage to confront something–it is mostly about finding enough courage to let go.

Since reading my first book as a child about people who travelled the world I have wanted to live and work abroad. As I got older there were lots of rational reasons why I believed that this would not be possible for me. How would I earn my living? I wouldn’t earn enough money with foreign credentials to live at a standard that I had become accustomed to. What would my family think? I couldn’t walk out on my family, financial or work commitments. 

My first step towards realizing this dream was to let go of what I feared the most–living with less. It was only when I found the courage to walk away from a 140k a year job that the opportunity to live abroad arrived. That was five years ago and since then not only have I lived and worked abroad for four year, but I have also traveled the world looking to realize yet another dream–to see as much of it as I can.

My story isn’t all about loss as it turns out–I have gained so much over the last four years in the way of knowledge, experiences and friends. I hope you will join me as I record my continued journey towards the realization of my dreams.